Russenorsk Russian-Norwegian Pidgin Language

Руссенорск (Russenorsk)

Руссенорск (Russenorsk) or 'Russo-Norwegian' was a pidgin language originating in the Arctic.

Russenorsk drew upon both Russian and Norwegian in order to form a dual-source pidgin. It developed as a result of interaction between Russian traders and Norwegian fisherman. The language has not been actively used for more than two centuries, nonetheless, it is still fascinating to read about. Look at the following example of Russenorsk dialog below:

Example dialog in Russenorsk:

Норвежец: Драсви, гаммель гу вен по моя. Твоя фиск купум? (Здравствуй, мой старый добрый друг. Ты покупаешь рыбу?)

Русский: Да. (Да)

Норвежец: Kак прис? (По какой цене?)

Русский: Эн вога мукка, со ту вога треска. (За вог муки два вога трески.)

Норвежец: Эта мала. (Это слишком мало)

Русский: Шлик шлаг, эн о ен хальв вога треска, со эн вога мукка. (Такого рода. Один с половиной вог трески на один вог муки)

Норвежец: Эта грот дюр. (Это еще слишком дорого.)

Русский: Но давай по кают ситте нед со докка лите чай дринком. Икке скаде. (Спускайся же в каюту и попей чаю. Это не повредит.)

Норвежец: Kак прис? (По какой цене?)

Examples with English explanation:

• "Moja på tvoja" - "I speak in your language" (wordwise: "My (R) in (N, R) your (R)")

• "Kak sprek? Moja njet forsto." - What are you saying? I don't understand. (How (R) speak (N)? My (R) no (R) understood (N).)

• råbbåtom - to work (R: rabotat’)

• klæba - bread (R: khleb)

Note: "R" marks Russian origin, "N" marks Norwegian.

Sources:

* Wikipedia: http://j.mp/3rtT7J (Russian) http://j.mp/2IAijh (English)
* "РУССЕНОРСК" Каролине Серк-Ханссен. Перевод с норвежского: Анастасия Гортер, 2003 г. http://biarmia.narod.ru/library/russenorsk.htm

Vodka - Russia's Secret Home Remedy

РУССКАЯ ВОДКА

Russian Vodka - Not just for drinking?

Russia has made vodka famous around the world. Vodka is known for its clear appearance, high alcohol content, and intoxicating effect. In reality, vodka is much, much more. Besides consumption, it can be used in a number of useful ways.

The word vodka was first recorded in 1405 in court documents of Poland. It is believed that vodka first originated in Russia during the 14th century. The word водка is thought to be derived from the Russian вода or 'water' as a diminutive.

The history of this alcohol spans many centuries. Over this time, many uses for vodka have been discovered.

Here is our list of twenty alternative uses for vodka:

1. Use as local anesthetic to disinfect and treat an open wound
2. Treat poison ivy to remove urushiol oil from the skin
3. Painlessly remove a bandage
4. Clean your eyeglasses
5. Treat an earache to kill bacteria in ear
6. Treat vomit stains
7. Use as an astringent for clean skin and to tighten pores
8. Add to shampoo to clean the scalp, remove toxins and stimulate hair growth
9. Kill bees or wasps with a vodka spray
10. Clean bathroom caulking to kill mold and mildew
11. Freeze water with vodka for refreezable ice pack
12. Use as your own mouthwash for rinsing
13. Apply to a cold sore to dry it out
14. Treat hair dandruff and flaky scalp
15. Prolong the life of razors and prevent rusting
16. Relieve a fever with vodka-soaked cloth on chest
17. Treat foot odor
18. Alleviate pain and disinfect a jellyfish sting
19. Remove cigarette smoke from a room
20. Numb a toothache

Now take part in our official Russian Vodka Survey!

Let us know for what purposes you use vodka.

We will post the official results in an upcoming post!

References: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vodka

http://www.divinecaroline.com/33672/45476-uses-vodka

Living A Communist's Life - Collective Housing

I live in a Soviet-era apartment building and not just any. It was built as housing for the worker families of the ХимЗавод, or chemical factory, of Vladimir. My host mother's family moved into the apartment shortly after its construction, in 1935. She has lived here her entire life... and so many others lived here too. During the Soviet times, the Communists decided that they wanted to collectivize life for its citizens. This ensured the equality of life.

In the collectivization of housing, many families would often live in the same apartment, as mandated by the government. For example, in the 3 room, 1 bathroom, 1 kitchen apartment I presently live in, 2 families consisting of a total of 10 people would live together.

To realize that my room is intended to house a family of 4 is shocking. I estimate the total size of the apartment to amount to no more than 1000 square feet. While the room is large, I wouldn't expect more than 2 people to live in it at any one time.

While it was an era of communism, there still was not true equality for all during the Soviet times. I was surprised to find the director of the chemical factory, himself, used to live here in this very room. I was furthered surprised to find this was one of four rooms he was allotted for his family.

Collective housing also had other advantages for the Bolsheviks. Living in close quarters allowed the different families to make sure that everyone was a devoted communist and would not think or say anything to the contrary. For example, under communism, most churches were closed and the Bible was outlawed. Possessing the Bible was a serious offense, possibly resulting in your sudden disappearance.

In a time where disobeying the will of the government could result in you being sent to the gulag, a series of working camps mainly located in Siberia where many people were worked to death, you would be taking a serious risk in possessing the Bible. Also, to speak ill of Lenin or Stalin was considered blasphemy because for all intents and purposes of the Soviet people, Lenin is God and Stalin is his disciple.

To further describe the apartment in which I live, at the time of its construction, there was no hot water, no gas, no central heating, no washing machine and no refrigerator. These were installed only later.

Water had to be heated on the stove. Since there was no gas, in order to use the stove, you had to use another fuel source, such as wood. To this day, there is still no central heating for the apartment itself. Hot water is routed from a central city water heating plant that closely resembles the structure of a nuclear silo and transported to apartments across the city using a series of above-ground pipes. This hot water is delivered to apartments not only for use by its inhabitants, but also fed through a series of water radiators which keep the apartment warm.

On the radiators in my apartment, there is no way to regulate the temperature of the radiator. If there happens to be a problem at the central water heating plant of the city or a repair needs to be made to one of the many pipes supplying hot water to your apartment, you are without hot water. This has already happened to me twice, once in fall and again in winter. During these times, it is important to keep the windows closed tightly and use an extra blanket. If bathing, you need to heat water on the stove and take a bucket bath.

Clothing had to be washed by hand. In most Russian apartments, a special rack can be found in the bathroom. While this may look like a towel rack, it is actually much more. Its structure is actually a series of pipes through which hot water is running. This can be useful in order to dry your clothes more quickly. If you have a lot of clothes, you can also use your radiators as another location in which to dry your clothing.

Food had to be kept on the window sill to stay cool during the winters or preserved to be kept during the summers. While there were not the many luxuries that you would find in the West during this era, there was, however, electricity and indoor plumbing.

Arborescent Study Abroad

The study abroad experience is like being a tree. You arrive to the country as a small sapling, planted in a foreign environment. You began to grow roots and become acclimated to your surroundings. Your branches grow and extend as you reach out to the world around you. You begin to sprout leaves in order to photosynthesize as much nourishing knowledge as possible as you can. You hope your broadening trunk will give you a firm grounding to weather the storms that may come to impede your development. With time, your core also grows and distance between the rings indicates the growth you have made. Once you have become established in your environment, you find it difficult to consider existence somewhere else. You don't want to be uprooted and forced to acclimate once again. No matter where you are, you can always look back at the your rings and remember the growth you made during that time.

A Week of Russian Cuisine

Day 1: FRIDAY
Breakfast: сырники (curd fritter / cottage cheese pancakes), бутерброды с маслом и сыром (open-faced sandwich with butter and cheese), виноградный сок (grape juice)
Lunch: суп (soup); хлеб (bread); огурцы с лукой; (cucumber and onion salad); курица (chicken), капуста (cabbage); блины с яблоками (Russian apple pancakes); пирог (pie)
Dinner: сосиски с кетчупом (hot dogs with ketchup), капуста (cabbage), сырники (curd fritter / cottage cheese pancakes), пиво

Day 2: SATURDAY
Breakfast: гречка с молоком и сахаром (buckwheat porridge with milk and sugar), бутерброды с маслом и сыром (bread with butter and cheese), виноградный сок (grape juice)
Lunch: суп с фаршем, лукой, картошкой, морковью (soup with meatballs, onions, potatoes and carrots); хлеб (bread), огурцы с лукой и майонезом (cucumber and onion sald with mayonnaise), курица с кетчупом (chicken with ketchup), блины с фаршем и маслом (meat and butter pancake wrap), чай (tea)
Dinner: макароны с мясом (pasta with meat), соленья (pickles), бутерброды с мясом (open-faced sandwich with meat), чёрный хлеб (black bread), торт (cake), пирог (pie), пиво, водка, яблочный и апельсинный сок (apple and orange juice), чай (tea)

Day 3: SUNDAY
Breakfast: rice puffs с молоком (with milk), бутерброды с маслом и сыром (open-faced sandwich with butter and cheese), виноградный сок (grape juice), чай (tea), печенье (crackers)
Lunch: картофель печеночный с сыром (baked potato with cheese), пепси (Pepsi), суп с фаршем, лукой, картошкой, морковью (soup with meatballs, onions, potatoes and carrots); хлеб (bread), винегрет (beet salad), мясо с рисом и острым соусом (meat with rice and hot sauce)
Dinner: пирог (pie)

Day 4: MONDAY
Breakfast: пельмени со сметаной (meat dumplings with sour cream), апельсинный сок (orange juice)
Lunch: салат с помидором и огурцом (tomato and cucumber salad), лапша (noodle soup), пицца (pizza), пирожки (pastries), чай (tea)
Dinner: суп с фаршем, лукой, картошкой, морковью (soup with meatballs, onions, potatoes and carrots); хлеб (bread), огурцы с лукой и майонезом (cucumber and onion salad with mayonnaise), мясо с рисом (meat with rice), чай (tea)

Day 5: TUESDAY
Breakfast: каша с бананом (hot cooked cereal with banana slices), бутерброды с маслом и сыром (open-faced sandwiches with butter and cheese), апельсинный сок (orange juice)
Lunch: щи с острым соусом (cabbage soup with hot sauce); хлеб (bread); две кутлеты с рысом, маслом и острым соусом (two meat cutlets with rice, butter and hot sauce); пирог (pie); чай (tea); вода (water)
Dinner: суп (soup), корейские моркови (korean carrots), куриная котлета (chicken cutlet), картофель-фри с острым кетчупом из чили (french fries with hot chili ketchup), круассаны (croissants)

Day 6: WEDNESDAY
Breakfast: каша (hot cooked cereal), бутерброды с маслом и сыром (open-faced sandwiches with buter and cheese), апельсинный сок (orange juice)
Lunch: винегрет (beet salad), борщ (borscht beat-soup), гуляш с макаронами и острым соусом (goulash with pasta and hot sauce), пицца (pizza), пирог (pie), сок (juice), чай (tea), вода (water)
Dinner: суп (soup), овощи: помидоры, баклажан, перцы (vegetables: tomatoes, eggplant, peppers), курица с острым соусом (chicken with hot sauce), круассаны (croissants), чай (tea)

Day 7: THURSDAY
Breakfast: каша (hot cooked cereal), бутерброды с маслом и сыром (open-faced sandwich with butter and cheese), апельсинный сок (orange juice)
Lunch: салат из капусты (cabbage salad), щи с хлебом (cabbage soup with bread), картофельное пюре (mashed potatoes), котлета (meat cutlet), вода (water)
Dinner: суп с хлебом (soup with bread), курица (chicken), картофель-фри (french fries), чай (tea), вода (water)

Note: Every aforementioned reference to hot sauce with food is my own personal twist on Russian cuisine and is not typical. In hopes of making Russian food more flavorful, I've eaten it with three different hot sauces and well as curry powder. I found that hot sauce with щи (cabbage soup) isn't as tasty as I would hope, although when hot sauce is added to meat cutlets and rice, it is a match made in heaven.

Russians generally find hot sauce to be too spicy. The hottest food they eat is usually Georgian food, specifically шашлык (shashlik kebab) with a spicy sauce.

I have had two different homestays during my time here in Russia. Not every Russian family eats all of the typical Russian foods. In my first homestay, I never ate каша (hot cooked cereal) or пельмени (meat dumplings). In my present homestay, I have never eaten плов (pilaff rice dish) or чёрный хлеб (black bread).

Vladimir, Russia - KORA Center for Russian Language

In case your curious about what I actually study while I'm here in Vladimir, I'll break it down for you.

I take seven classes, which total to 20 hours of study per week. All classes are conducted entirely in Russian.
Грамматика (grammar): 5 hours per week
Фонетика (phonetics): 2 hours per week
Практика Речь (speaking): 5 hours per week
Русская Истрория (Russian history): 2 hours per week
Художественный Текст (literature): 2 hours per week
Искусство Письма (writing): 2 hours per week
СМИ (current events): 2 hours per week

Our Russian study center, KORA, is located in a technikum. The program rents out a number of rooms on the third floor of the building, which we use as our study space.

Lunch is included by the program. We dine on authentic Russian food in the cafeteria of the technikum.

On Friday, we have excursions to points of interest both near and far. Some of the excursions this semester include Moscow, Saint Petersburg, Murom and Sochi. It is mandatory that we speak Russian at all times while on excursions and all guides speak only Russian with us.

In addition to classes and excursions, there are extra-curriculars. Folklore is an extra class conducted every other week to expose us to Russian culture through dance and music.

Kruglii Stol or Russian-American club is a round-table discussion with our Russian counterparts at the linguistics university about prearranged topics.

Internships give us on site experience in various Russian organizations.

Basketball is played with the Russians every week as a good way to get out some extra energy and exercise.

We are allotted two personal days every semester, which can be used for personal travel. This is a wonderful way to see more of Russia that you otherwise wouldn't have the chance to see with the program. Combined with a three or four-day weekend, these days provide a great opportunity to travel throughout Russia.

Russian Dangers

Since my arrival this January to Russia, it has been quite cold here. For example, the high for today is -12 Celsius [5F] (or -19C [-3F] windchill factor). Tomorrow's forecast doesn't look much better, -14C and -21C windchill. Due to the sub-zero temperatures, there has been a build up of ice everywhere. I have had a recent sense of paranoia of being impaled by an icicle. I keep flashing back to a number of horror movies I've seen where people are impaled them. With some of them being over two feet in length, hanging from the rooftop edges many stories up, one can understand why I might want to be a little more careful. I now choose to walk at least a few extra feet out, away from the building as I make my way about the city.

Drivers in Russia are as crazy as in winter as they are in summer. They still drive far too fast. On the walk to my study center today, one driver slammed on his brakes two times, skidding each, after realizing he was plowing through a crosswalk. I'm lucky I was paying attention. The coup de grâce of all my horseless carriage stories is from Moscow. While crossing the street in a crosswalk not more than one block from my apartment, an ambulance came barreling out of nowhere and nearly struck me. What was the driver to do, hit me and then put me in the back of his vehicle?! I know that there is an economic crisis, but do they need business that badly?

So far I've successfully avoided both of the aforementioned dangers. While the various dangers of Russia might seem bad, they are relatively easy to avoid if you pay attention and keep your head on straight.

Vladimir Weather Information:
http://www.accuweather.com/world-index-forecast.asp?partner=accuweather&traveler=0&locCode=ASI|RU|RS087|VLADIMIR&metric=1

I Wish You A Merry Christmas

I Wish You A Merry Christmas (С новым годом!)
I have a friend in Russia who just loves to sing (quite well I might add). They previously asked me to help them find the lyrics to some popular American Christmas songs. I found the most perfect gift to bring them from America. I decided on a book of traditional American carols (it even came with a CD with the music to all of the songs!) After giving it to them, they excitedly opened it up and were curious as to how the tune went for each carol. Of course they could just go home and listen to the disc that came with the book, but it is not the same and they would have to wait to listen. In America, I might be more reluctant than to open up right there and begin to sing on the street, but in Russia, I could care less. People seem to be less judgmental here. My friend was so pleased with the gift and enjoyed listening to me sing the various carols. I had fun seeing that they were so pleased with the gift and sharing a part of my American culture. Being here is not only about me learning about Russia, but about Russians learning about America. It is a bilateral cultural exchange.

Alcohol

According to Walking on Ice, by Frederick Andersen, 5% of Russians are alcoholics (p.45). While this figure may be less shocking than you expect, the following statistics are. "On a national average, each adult drinks the equivalent of over 38 liters of 100 proof vodka a year. Take out many women and a surprising number of men who drink a little, if at all, the rest must have it running in their veins. With populist politicians pushing for cheap or free vodka, it seems as if some politicians would like to keep the people forever in this debasing form of self-imposed slavery. To me it is more than a fraternal thing, but a way to pull the others down so all are equally dead." (Walking on Ice by Frederick Andersen, p.44)

While drinking in moderation is one thing, drinking in Russia by some individuals can be taken to excess. Walk around a Russian city and you will son tons of бабушки (Russian grandmothers), but where are the men? Life expectancy for males is shocking: 59.19 years. Compare it with an average life expectancy of 73.1 years for females and you realize that there is something wrong. Where are the дедушки (Russian grandfathers)? Wouldn't it be great if they were there to nurture and support their families, provide wisdom or to tell their grandchildren how lucky they are with the abundance they now have as compared with the Soviet era. Of course every country has its own problems. In order for Russia to continue to grow and prosper, it may finally need to deal with its alcoholism.

Life Expectancy Statistics Source: CIA World Factbook - Russia
https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/rs.html

A Better Way of Life?

"Some Russians are amazed that Americans work so hard and so long. To them, we work hard to earn lots of money so we can spend it on entertainment, eating out, traveling, buying things. Money is king. The American weekend can be a hectic time. In Russia it is quite different."

"My friend and his family, for example, spend their weekends outside of Moscow in their dacha, their country cottage that they rent for sixty-five dollars a month (in 1995). They pump water at the community pump and bring it to the house in a bucket and go to the toilet in the outhouse forty-seven steps out the back. They raise tomatoes and lettuce, and it is so quiet, he says you can hear the vegetables grow. There is no phone for disturbing phone calls from friends and they are out of range for cell phones. There is electricity, but not enough, so time to fix shashlik over an open fire and enjoy it with friends and talk about important or frivolous things without the intrusion of a television. It is the way life should be, at least on weekends."

"Quality of life is not about things, it is about friends and the time to enjoy them."

I think that last line really sums up the Russian way of life. The emphasis of quality over quantity is something I have really grown to appreciate about the Russians and I have taken it to heart myself. We should appreciate those around us and make sure that it is known to them and not focus on the acquisition of possessions that is all to prevalent in our capitalist society.

Excerpts from Walking on Ice: An American Businessman in Russia by Frederick Andersen, p.50

Remarkable Russian R & R

It was the last week of my fall semester studying abroad in Vladimir. I took Thursday off to travel to Moscow, spend time with my friend, Natasha, and visit some of the remaining sights I had not seen yet. She cooks so well. Every time I visit, I feel like I am at home, eating my grandma’s cooking. I enjoyed a delicious casserole she prepared and then went about my business. I had to travel across the city by metro and walk about 1.5km to get to the Armed Forces Museum. Making a wrong turn, I was pleasantly surprised to end up on Pushkin square and see a beautiful Christmas tree. Orienting myself, I easily navigated to the museum. It was impressive. The museum was built during the Soviet times to commemorate the accomplishments and history of the military. The museum continues to function today with limited additions pertaining to post-Soviet armed forces activity. My favorite exhibition was the wreckage of the American U-2 spy plane which was shot down in the 60s.

Natasha and I met again and we decided to go ice skating. We went Gorky Park. At first she was hesitant to skate, fearing that she might fall, but I assured her that I would not let that happen. After enjoying a brief snack, we headed out on the ice. The first time around was slow, but as time went on, it was no longer so difficult. During my visit, there were a number of coincidences, perhaps the most surprising being that Natasha happened to see a student from her University group that she had not seen in over 5 years! Heading back home, it was late. We had big plans for the following day. I wanted to visit the Tretyakov Gallery again. Since my last visit, I had greater exposure to Russian art and I also knew that the religious icon of Vladimir was located in the Tretyakov. Natasha later joined me there later on. It was great sharing our knowledge of the artwork and learning even more. We left the Tretyakov to eat dinner. We ate in an upscale mall not far from the American embassy and listened to a pianist.

After dinner, we left for the Gosudarstvii Teatr Kinoaktiorov. This theatre is famous for its actors, many of which are also TV and movie stars. We watched a comedy that was set in the 19th century about marriage between different economic classes. The language used in the play was fascinating. They used a special form which adds an “s” to the end of certain words in a sentence to denote respect when speaking to others. This style of speech was typical of the era. Seeing an advertisement for a special hot wine at the skating rink, we had decided to prepare some of our own at home. It reminded me of a more delicious apple cider. We stayed up late talking and enjoying each other’s company.

Early the next morning I returned to Vladimir. For the first time since summer, I decided to travel by bus since there was not a train leaving any time soon. I prefer the train because in summer, I once spent over 7 hours on a bus from Moscow to Vladimir due to traffic jams. The bus was only 32 rubles cheaper than the train and it was packed. I sat uncomfortably for four hours, ineffectively sleeping for brief spurts of time. I had to return to Vladimir on Saturday because I had my oral proficiency interview to evaluate my level of spoken Russian.

That evening, some of my friends and I wanted to celebrate the conclusion of our program so we gathered and split a bottle of Putinka. We also had delicious Russian crackers, caviar and cake. After our little gathering, I left for the center. With perfect timing, my coworker had called me and invited me to go clubbing with her. We went to a small discotheque in the center. The DJ there was playing my favorite music, Eurodance. We toasted with champagne and hit the dance floor. I’m glad to know such wonderful people here in Russia. It makes it just that much harder to fly home to America.

Library Complications

Earlier in the semester, I went to get a library card at the central library here in Vladimir. I remembered that I had yet to actually go and get some books because I already have my collection of favorite Russian reference books with me. Since it was a rainy Sunday afternoon and I live on the same block where the library is located, I decided to see what it was like. Upon arriving to the library, I immediately proceded to the front desk and presented my library card. They in turn handed me back my library card as well as a slip that documents which rooms of the library I am in and for what time duration. Continuing on to the second floor, I enter the room of books for foreign language study. I begin to browse the selection, but I am stopped by the librarian who states that I must present my documents in order to be in the room. I do so and everything is in order. I proceed to the Russian as a foreign language section to look for books. As I browse, I am stopped by the librarian and informed that this area is off-limits and that I must proceed to the other part of the room. I do as I am told and then inquire as to how I am to find books. I ask if I may browse the electronic or card catalogs. The librarian tells me that they don't keep these books on record because they are so seldom used. The other librarian then proceeds to take me back to the off-limits section where I was just minutes earlier and let me browse at my leisure. After finding three books that suit my fancy, I returned to the front desk. I was informed that I would have to pay 200 rubles as a deposit for the books. Furthermore, I would need to fill out a series of forms with my contact information: name, birth year, address, phone number; all information that I had previously given them when applying for my library card. After a series of signatures for each of the books, the deposit given and the transaction in general, I was allowed to proceed out of this room. Arriving on the first floor, I presented my documents and was given clearance to leave the building.

While the Russian system may seem complicated, I give it credit. I favor it to the Spanish library system at the Universidad de Sevilla. There I was not allow to browse the books and simply restricted to an archaic card catalog system and a seemingly nonsensical electronic search database. Even, after all of the paperwork, this Vladimir libarary functions effectively and the librarians there are generally very friendly.

Burger Time

Continuing in my theme of firsts from my previous blog post, upon my return from Волгоград, I was really craving a hamburger. While I really try not to indulge myself with foods from home while abroad, it was late, my hostmom was asleep and I knew that there was a 24-hour burger joint around the corner. I layered myself up with coats and headed out into the cold. Seeing the menu at Мистер Гамбургер, I was delighted to see familiar names, although they were written in Cyrillic. I decided to go for the чизбургер (cheeseburger) and a coke. In typical fast food fashion, the fine people at Mister Gamburger give me my tray and I'm off. Sitting down at a nearby available table, I hastily unwrap the burger. While the bun looks a little strange, that doesn't stop me from biting right in. What do I think after my first bite?: This tastes nothing like a hamburger! There is something known as бутерброд in Russian, which is roughly equivalent to an open-faced sandwich. This чизбургер tasted nothing like a grilled burger loaded with deliciously unhealthy American cheddar cheese, but more like a toasted bun with provolone cheese and a slice of deli meat. While the latter description may sound appetizing for some, the taste left something to be desired. There is another burger chain in town, MacKing. While I am really craving a good burger right now, I don't know if I want to risk my life on some unholy pseudo-fusion of McDonalds and Burger King at МакКинг. I guess I'll just have to wait another two months before I have my big, fat, juicy cheeseburger... maybe even with bacon and avocado!

What You WILL Find In Russia

What You WILL Find In Russia:
McDonald's
Churches
Starbucks
More churches
Hard Rock Cafe
Yet even more churches
Carl's Jr.
Cbarro
Шуарума
Hot dog stands
American Diner
Pepsi
Coca-Cola
Лимонад
Miller Beer
Budweiser
A limited selection of American (Californian) wine
Кефир (mildly fermented milk drink)
Квас (mildly fermented bread drink)
M&M's
Mars chocolate bar
Snickers
Чёрный хлеб (black bread)
Beets
Lay's Potato Chips (Flavors including: bacon, cheese, sour cream & onion and шашлык kebab)
Газированная вода / вода с газом (carbonated water)
Медовуха
Путинка Vodka
Шампанское
$8 пиво that tastes like something one eightieth that price
Балтика 0-9 & Невское Светлое Пива
Hockey fans
Футбол
Hookah bars
Smokers
Чай
Instant Coffee
The most expensive city in the world
Recognition of the independence of South Ossetia and Abkazia
Georgian restaurants
Ford Focus
Нефть (oil)
State-owned majority stakes in companies of key industries
1 копейка coin worth $0.0004 (at an exchange rate of 25 rubles per dollar)
Dial-up internet
220V electrical outlets
A new time zone
Cheap, legal DVDs
PAL Video Format
Satellite and Cable TV
A city that never sleeps
Beautiful Питер
Eurodance radio stations
Foreign TV shows dubbed in Russian (with the source-language track still played)
Torrential summer downpours
Белые ночи (white nights)
Large mosquitoes
Отчества
Futons used as beds year-round
Матрёшки
Superstition
Worries of becoming sterile from sitting on cold concrete
Paganism
Штрафы милиции
Xenophobia of Caucasians
One sixth the land mass of the earth
Lake Baikal
Monasteries
Дурак, the card game... of course
Cell phones without contracts
Билайн рекламы
Cheap cab rides
Inexpensive public transportation
Trans-Siberian Railroad
Stray dogs that seem to know how to use the metro and crosswalks
World-class musicians playing in the depths of the metro
War memorials
Tatars, Uzbeks, Ukrainians, Georgians, Armenians, etc.
More war memorials
A mummified former leader
Yet even more war memorials
Temperatures below zero
Businessmen in Armani suits
Women in D&G (authenticity disputable)
Homeless people
Handicapped missing all but one limb
Скинхеди
Цыганы
Chinese tourists
German speakers
American embassy
Тимати
Дима Билан
Men with "mullet" or "rat-tail" style haircuts
Baths from water heated off of the stove (when the city hot water pipes or plant are under repair)
Abundant medicine available without prescription (including antibiotics)
Memories of a fallen society
Dreams of a promising future

Reflections on Russia - To Pee or not to Pee

Reflections on Russia - To Pee or not to Pee
Shortly after arriving in Russia, you will notice one striking different after visiting "the facilities." This WC is nothing like what you've seen in America. If you have to go to the bathroom in Russia, you had better cross your fingers, pray to God and hope for the best. Once you have finally managed to locate a bathroom, you'll be surprised to find that this facility utilized for a basic necessity of human existence is not бесплатный. Oh no, you will have to pay a small fee to use the bathroom, usually ranging from 10 to 20 rubles. While this is less than a dollar, it is an added inconvenience. Once you pay, you expect to get your money's worth. You imagine a clean stall, with seats covers, toilet paper, a sink with hot running water, soap and maybe even some papers towels to dry your hands. Not so fast! From experience, I would have to say the average bathroom stall is dirty than expected. The toilet seats are often made out of cheap plastic, if you are lucky enough to have a toilet seat at all and seat covers are generally out of the question. Many times you will find that the bathrooms don't even have toilet paper, so be prepared and bring your own just in case! On occasion, there is only cold water to wash your hands with and there is no guarantee that there will be soap or something to dry your hands on. If you are lucky enough to be in a city with Western restaurants such as Starbucks or McDonalds, you are in luck! While I advice eating as much Russian cuisine as possible while abroad, these restaurants often have nicer restrooms than many of their Russian counterparts. My Moroccan friend once described McDonalds to me as being the "American embassy." For those seeking a bathroom meeting their Western expectations, in these "American embassies" you can find your own slice of America and go about your business as usual. Next time you use the facilities in America, be grateful. You have no idea how bad it could actually be. Postscript: It could be even worse than this, in places such as Morocco and China, you may not even have a toilet at all, but just a hole in the ground!

Fashion Trends or Fashion Statements?

Reflections on Russia - Fashion Trends or Fashion Statements?
After stepping off the plane in Moscow, one of the first things you will notice is that people dress a little differently here in Russia than in other parts of the world. While cosmopolitan cities may have a stricter dress code, per se, the fashion you see here isn't something you'll notice on 5th Avenue of New York or the streets of larger European cities. Maybe it's because I am male, but the first thing that stands out to me is the women. If you took a small sampling of women on the streets of Moscow, you would notice that an overwhelming number of women choose to be in heels as they navigate the city. These aren't the heels of an average women's dress shoe, but rather stiletto heels that you might expect to see on the dance floor of an upscale club. How the women of Moscow manage to survive the excruciating pain of these inhumane torture devices all day long is beyond me. Aside from heels, there is also another trend among women. There seems to be some unspoken rule that if you choose to wear a skirt, dress, shorts, or anything that shoes a little leg, you are obligated to have hosiery as part of your uniform. While ordinary pantyhose might come to mind, you will be surprised at the variety of hosiery you'll see on the streets. Apparently fishnets are acceptable business attire as I saw them on numerous occasions complementing formal business suits. Since I'm moving upwards anatomically, I'll talk about the brassiere, or the absence thereof. On numerous occasions, myself and fellow program participants observed that many women seem to feel no need for the support of the modern bra. While letting it all hang loose is one option, another popular alternative seems to be the black bra. Women out there may identify with the need to wear a different colored undergarment to match their outfit in a given day, but this trend doesn't seem to have reached all the women of Russia. This became all so apparent after seeing many women wear see through lace blouses. Gentlemen, please don't become all too excited in a hurry. This style of dress is sported by not only younger women, but also the geriatric crowd.

Leaving the women behind, speaking about men's fashion is a whole different story. The first thing a Westerner will notice is the distinctly different hairstyle popular among men. Some may call it a rat-tail, others may refer to it as a mullet, but to describe it briefly, many men wear their hair shorter and spikey on top and longer and unshaven on the back of the neck. Those familiar with the famous, or perhaps infamous, Russian pop star, Дима Билан, will know exactly what I'm talking about. Dima is just one celebrity figure who also wears his hair in this style. While in the metro, you will observe that many men will dress up in their own way that might seem unfamiliar to foreigners: the uniquely patterned and colored dress shirts will be kept unbuttoned, often to expose part of their chest and a Russian Orthodox cross; their pants will fit tightly; and perhaps the most striking thing of all will be just how pointy their dress shoes are! Popular among Russian men are shiny dress shoes imported from Italy that come to a sharp point at the tip of the toe.

Next time you are traveling in Russia or at least at a tourist destination elsewhere in the world where you may encounter Russians, keep in mind these descriptions and you are sure to spot a Russian or two who look just like this. It is important to note that all Russians do not dress in this manner and that most Muscovites dress better than the average American. Furthermore, one should keep in mind that each country and culture has its own fashion trends that may seem very strange and unfamiliar to an outsider. I am not making a judgment, but I simply wanted to comment on a fashion trend I observed among some Russians that deviates strongly from what the average Westerner is accustomed to.

A Short Anecdote about an Acronym you haven't Forgotten

Reflections on Russia - A Short Anecdote about an Acronym you haven't Forgotten
During my first week in Moscow, they made sure to show us around the city. We hopped on a tour bus with Jon, the regular director for Moscow programs and made our way about the city, briefly taking stops at достопримечательности, also known as points of interest. After making brief stops at key tourist destinations such as the Kremlin, Red Square, Christ the Savior, the Peter the Great statue, the Novodevichy Convent and Swan Lake, we came to the Лубянка metro stop, the stop we would get off at every day as we commuted to the Higher School of Economics. Aside from Детский Мир, a famous children's toy store, presently under renovation, one other significant building stands out, the headquarters of the former КГБ. Jon shared an interesting fact with us while on the tour bus: this former KGB building goes eight stories underground, but it was the tallest building in Moscow of its time. It could see all of the way to Vladivostok.

Note: If your Russian geography isn't up to par, Vladivostok is a city in the easternmost part of Russia near Japan, thousands of kilometers away from Moscow. The joke here is that the intelligence of the KGB was so extensive that they could observe any part of Russia in a given instant.

Reflections on Russia - Раз, два, три, четыре...

Reflections on Russia - Раз, два, три, четыре...
Of all the things I thought I would be doing in Москва, the last thing I thought I would be doing is taking dance lessons, but after I considered it, the idea grew on me. In seizing the opportunity to further practice our Russian, a number of my fellow program members and I decided to brave the two-hour ballroom dancing lessons of a strict Russian instructor who only yells... oops, I mean speaks in Russian. Once you get past how direct and forceful spoken Russian sounds when spoken by native-speakers, you realize that people are merely talking and not yelling or angry. In the lesson plan contained a myriad of difference dances, ranging from кадриль, a traditional Russian dance, to the tango. Of the many dances we studied, I would have to say my favorite was the шведский вальс, a waltz that moved at such a rapid pace and contained seemingly endless turns, it made quite for quite an amusing spectacle to see. After having the serious "Russian face" on all day, it was nice to smile, laugh and even be silly. To slow it down a notch, we would dance the медленний вальс and further focus on our footwork, stature and staying in sync with our partner. When taking the lessons seriously, I had the most success at the tango, probably due to my underlying love for Latin music. The most memorable part of the dance lesson experience was our spunky, charismatic, energetic and unrelenting middle-aged female dance instructor. Her bleached platinum blonde hair, tight jeans and seemingly endless supply of indescribable tops along with her unique personality and passion for dance made an impression on all of us. After each lesson, throughout the rest of the day, on into the week and seemingly into eternity, in our heads will always be her voice counting the steps: раз, два, три, четыре....

Russian Linear Forms

Reflections on Russia - Russian Linear Forms
In Moscow, if you give anyone an inch, they take a mile, or 1.6 kilometers for that matter. Whether in the metro trying to board the train, testing your fate crossing the street amidst busy traffic where there isn't a переход (pedestrian underpass), or even do something as simple as add more money to your pre-paid phone (which is the norm in Russia), if you hesitate for just one moment, there will be someone there to cut in front of you. Due to the long lines of the Soviet era, Russians have become the masters of standing in line. They can size you up in an instant and if you show weakness, be prepared to wait just that much longer because you haven't even realize that they are now already standing in front of you.

One of the most cutthroat places to queue up for something would have to be anywhere in which you are trying to obtain a ticket. I have countless memories of trying to obtain a museum билет, admission to an art gallery, or something as important as a train ticket I need to get to wherever I am traveling and people will do anything short of pushing you over to get what they want, (well sometimes that happens too). The coup d'gra of line standing is in the metro. As I mentioned earlier, boarding the metro can be difficult, but it doesn't stop here. There are simply so many people in Moscow (12 million officially, but estimates about labor entering the city on weekdays may push the number as high as 18 million), that the metro cannot accomodate the demand. Getting something as essential as a metro pass is not easy, especially near a вокзал where many passengers have just gotten of their trains arriving from other cities. People in these lines are ruthless. You have to be pushy back to ensure that you hold your place in line and are not cut.

The politics of Russian lines goes step further when it comes to the metro escalator. People are to stand on the right if they wish to stand or to walk if they wish to use the left side of the escalator. Usually after going over a переход to transfer from another station, people usually cram up towards the right side of the entrance to the escalator. This is especially true at the переходы where people are transferring to or from the circle line. There are, however, a clever few who move easily on the left as if they are to walk up or down the escalator and may actually do so for some time, but they fake you out and try to cram into whatever small space they can find on a step of an escalator, no matter if there is little room there. Therefore, in defense of your person space, if such a thing exists in Russia, you stand in a staggered manner with one leg on a step of the escalator and another on the step above or below it so as to defend your ability to stand comfortably on the escalator in the spot you rightfully deserve after waiting. This may not seem like such a discomfort, but when you consider the humid heat of the summer or the many layers you may be wearing in winter, the added presence of additional body heat is something that is definitely not welcomed.

After reading these descriptions, you may think that москвичи (Muscovites) are rude and impolite. One thing to keep in perspective is that this is a huge city and people are in a hurry to get where they are going. If you were in a big city like New York, would you be surprised if you found so of the people to be rude... probably not. It is expected that people in big cities will be in a hurry and that they don't want to wait for tourists or the indecisive. Furthermore, while people may be in a hurry, I have found that if you need to ask for directions, people are more than willing to help, even if you are a foreigner. On a few occassions, they even talked at length with me for a few minutes about what I was interested in seeing during my semester of studies. While some may hold that there are too many foreigners in Moscow and that the last thing the москвичи want to do is help another foreigner find his or her way around, from my experience, I have found that only the contrary is true.

Defeating the Babushki - Attempt at your own Risk!

Reflections on Russia - Defeating the Babushki - Attempt at your own Risk!
Note, this is a feat that should not be attempted at home. It can be considered highly dangerous:
Tonight, for the first time, I feel like I have really accomplished something here in Russia. I have defeated the babushka. Бабушка is the Russia word for grandmother, otherwise known as my hostmom. Babushki are notorious for the incredible amounts of food they lay in front of you at any given meal. It is Russian custom that there always be more food available than you can possibly eat. Russians are often not satisfied until you have eaten so much that you are obliged to leave some amount of food on your plate. Tonight's dinner included many courses: a large sliced tomato and green onion salad, a hefty serving of beef, a plateful of variety of steamed vegetables, a plate of sliced bread and to finish it off, a plate of blini, also known as Russian pancakes. I even put peanut butter on the sliced bread to get some extra protein and enjoy a familiar flavor from home. Thank you to Jessica or whomever previously resided here and left such a large jar of peanut better in the apartment. I have to thank my rigorous workout today for the ability to intake such an incredible amount of calories. Now I must turn to my studies as I await the evening ritual of tea and cream filled croissants or another tasty pastry.